Tip the Stripper

1979: Time was marked by constant marching drills, morning PT routines, forced marches led by our CO (Commanding Officer) - who - at the time we swore was a former NAZI, based solely on his desire to march us 20 plus miles at least once a week, it turns out that 1. he wasn't a NAZI after all and 2. He was a Marathon runner so he used the forced marches for his training - nice guy :). One field exercise after another, live fire, night recon, navigation and finally.... our next leave.

Off duty and into our "Civi's", a cab ride down to the bus depot and we were quickly buying our tickets to Augusta, all five of us. The bus arrives at the Augusta bus depot after a couple of hours of travel it's time to catch a cab to the hotel and start seriously looking to get our first tattoo. The cab ride isn't a very long one to the hotel. We get checked in, get settled and we're off. It's time to get a tattoo, but first... you can't get your first tattoo without a drink first. It's going to hurt, right? None of us big, bad, soldiers want to feel that crap. We just came through the lines of deployment shots about a week earlier - that was enough stabbing, jabbing, poking and prodding for any of us, so it's off to find a bar.

This really can't be good - five 18 year boys traveled 200 miles to get tattoos but first are going to have some fun in a bar. Not a single one of us had ever drank in a bar before.

There's a saying, I'm not sure where it comes from but it goes something like this:

When hiring a teenage boy the rule is: 1 boy = a good days work. 2 boys = a 1/2 days work. 3 boys = no work at all.

I think the same applies here just substitute the word "work" for the word "brain" and you can pretty much get a good picture of our mental acumen as a group.

The herd meandered down main street and taking in the sights. We found the tattoo shop, stopped in and looked around. Yep, it was a tattoo shop. We all decided this was going to be FUN, now it's off to find the bar. Much to our delight there was a bar right across the street - imagine that a bar and a tattoo shop next to each other. What a great city!

In to the bar we went, dark and smokey with the music blaring we stood just beyond the closed door waiting for our eyes to adjust while we scanned the room for a place to sit. Before we could find a table, the bar erupted with applause, a light came on above the stage in the center of the room and "Bambi" appeared from behind the curtain. This was all the motivation we needed to sit front and center at the empty chairs around the stage. I and to this day would bet the group as a whole had never been to a strip club. The music started and "Bambi" began the grind, cat-calls and whistles went around the bar and my eyes became twice the size they normally are, although I tried to play it cool like I was born in a strip club. You know, arm back across the chair, making small talk, hey - this wasn't my first pair of real live breasts or anything, I've seen girls dance before - where do you think I'm from anyway?!

Drinks were ordered, clothing kept coming off - hers not ours - "Bambi" danced her dance in front of us for what seemed like a life time. She played the group, obviously knowing that we were young servicemen and that we were putty in her hands. She took hold of my buddies ears and pulled his face into what he later described as heaven, my hat was taken from my head and "Bambi" promptly put it on hers and wore it around the stage using it as a ... prop... while she danced - I kept that hat for years after it had lost any of it's usefulness - we were beside ourselves with all of this attention from a beautiful young lady who was willing to take her clothes off. What a great bar! All of this attention - just because we were servicemen. What a great country. What a great city. What a... ohhhhhh - I see, as we were enjoying the show a rather large gentlemen came up to the group and told us we were supposed to TIP when we received that much attention from "the lady". Damn-it. Time to go.


Boys plan - God laughs - the Stripper gets stiffed.

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